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I’m Super Sexy… or is it sweaty?

Sunday is the start of the week, right? Or are you one of those weirdos that counts Monday as the start of the week? Anyway, I think like most people, I think of Sunday as my “fresh start” day. If I start Sunday right, I usually have a pretty productive rest of the week.

So let me start by saying that I used to be 400 pounds. So like, I have to learn to give myself some grace here.

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I had gastric bypass surgery September 30, 2015 and I lost 180 pounds. I loved hearing how good I was looking, I soaked it all up. I spent a lifetime being insanely overweight and hearing that I finally looked GOOD and SKINNY was addictive.

I had a healthy lifestyle, I worked out 5 days a week and I stuck strictly to my eating plan.

And then my mom died in August.

Since her death, all hell broke loose over here. I ate everything in front of me and let all my bad habits make their way back into my life. I’ve gained 25 pounds and I’ve felt like a failure. I’ve felt ashamed and have said some pretty hateful things to myself about it. People still compliment me, tell me I look great. But that’s not what I’m busy telling myself. Instead of giving myself grace for my interrupted life, I’ve beat myself down over something that is totally normal. Seven months have passed and I’ve “gotten back on track” about 20 times and fallen off every time. I was getting on track because I felt horrible about myself, not because I was mentally ready to get my act together.

Earlier this month I wrote a post called “Maybe One Day“. I have an update for you guys, I cleaned the room out. I put kiddo’s toys in it and made a playroom/guest room and I turned his old playroom into a gym.

20170326_182228Ignore the nearly dead plant on the side, thanks.

And in full disclosure, the room has been set up for like 2 weeks now… but I was opting for hour long walks with the dog in the beautiful weather instead. Still a workout, but not the kind of workout I wanted/needed. But today, Sunday, I started the day the right way.

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I was so dang proud of myself. I’m not setting a weight goal, truly. I mean, in theory I’d love to lose the 25 pounds I gained, but that’s not the point here. The point is that when I start the day with a workout, my anxiety is usually under control and the rest of the choices I make during the day are good ones. I’m less likely to binge and less likely to beat myself up (as much… still working on that).

You know what else starts my day wonderfully? Worship.

You guys, I’m not going to say I won’t fail at this. To be honest, I probably will have some bad days. But you know what? I’m human. I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I keep making, I’m worthy of my own forgiveness.

If you’ve made some big mistakes, weight related or not… REMEMBER: You are worthy of your own forgiveness. You are worthy.

Tab

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