ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN. I know how you guys get. I don’t need anyone coming at me in a fit of rage wearing whimsical mouse ears and stuff. Just hear me out. Also, it must be stated that I’ve never been to Disneyland/World/Cruise/Cult Headquarters.
I just don’t…get it? Maybe it’s because I didn’t go to Disney as a kid? That has to be it, because the idea of going as an adult just exhausts me. Okay, well to be fair, the idea of any theme park exhausts me. Kiddo has started to ask to go to Fiesta Texas (because we pass it daily) and I am still able to get away with telling him he’s too short to go. He doesn’t argue with it because he’s 4 and doesn’t know any better. But my day is going to come, y’all, and I’m terrified.
I’m not scared of the roller coasters and such… I hate… outdoors? I hate thousands of people sweating together outdoors and paying $20 for a drink. I just don’t get the appeal and I never have. I never even wanted to go to Fiesta Texas as a kid/teenager. We always had season passes and I only went like once a year. Such a waste of money. I told my mom it was a waste of money on me. She didn’t care. Whatever, man. NOT MY PROBLEM.
Anyways, so two of my thousand siblings went to Disney recently and came back a few days ago. My sister came over last night to have dinner and bring us the presents she got us and tell us all about the trip. So first, look at my awesome gift:
She also got me a bath bomb that apparently has little Mickeys that come out of it when it’s in the water. You know, not terrifying at all.
Okay, so unlike Fiesta Texas, Disney is open year ’round. Mmkay great. You could probably convince me to go in the winter… but then it’s like… one of my sister’s dinners was $70. SEVENTY DOLLARS. Look, I’m poor. And whatever you’re serving me better be filled with GOLD for $70.
Maybe it’s because I was more of a Nickelodeon kid. I used to dream of going to Universal and getting slimed. YOU KNOW WHAT? Universal DOESN’T EVEN DO THAT ANYMORE. WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THIS? Also, maybe Mickey creeps me out a little bit. Also, maybe I used to get a sick pleasure out of people being slimed randomly.
Now, that’s not to say I will never go to Disney. I’m sure I will eventually go. I’m sure it’s magical and everyone is happy and twirls and bursts into songs all day. I’m just saying… it sounds like a beating.
Also people in costumes that don’t talk creep me out. THEY CREEP ME OUT, Y’ALL. Okay, I’ll let it go. [Elsa would be proud]
I’M SORRY, DON’T YELL AT ME.
Unrelated – I’m going to do an ASK ME ANYTHING YouTube video! So if you’ve had anything serious/funny/random you’ve wanted to ask me….SHOOT! I’m excited. Have fun with it!